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Monthly Archives: April 2013

Gina

The 90’s were a beautiful time to come of age in, pop culturally speaking (I don’t really speak any other languages). There were sensible heart throbs blossoming all over the place from Heath Ledger’s ideal bad boy in 10 Things I Hate About You to Paul Rudd beginning what would be a fabulous career of playing perfect boyfriends in Clueless. But teen flicks weren’t the only places to find boyfriends in the ’90s. Oh no. Boyfriends be popping up left and right in all your favorite blockbusters too. Here are a few of mine:

Rick O’Connell (The Mummy)
The Mummy franchise was the beginning and the end of my crush on Brenden Fraser. There’s something about O’Connell that is so gruff and unpolished but at the same time sensitive and stock-full of hilarious one-liners about the living dead. In other words, perfect take-home-to-Christmas boyfriend material.

Agent J (Men in Black)
Speaking of the perfect balance of bad-assness and one-liners, here is the King of both of those things, or should I say (fresh) prince. Har. I’m having a hard time expressing my amount of love for Will Smith in this movie. Like, the love is that intense. HE IS JUST SO FUCKING COOL. He even makes dancing with aliens in a pop-hip-hop-movie-themed music video look suave. ONLY WILL SMITH HAS POWERS LIKE THAT.

Jack Dawson (Titanic)
Well duh. This role is the reason I decided at the age of 11 that Leonardo DiCaprio was the love of my life. Jack was romantic, adventurous and passionate. Not to mention beautiful and non-threatening. Also, he likes girls who weigh more than him, so that’s something I can totally appreciate (no offense Kate- YOU ARE A PERFECT FLAWLESS CREATURE AND I LOVE YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS LEO XOXOXXOXOXOOX <3<3).

Daniel Day Lewis (Last of the Mohicans)
Look, I’ll be honest, I don’t even remember his character’s name. Square Jaw Like Bull? Doesn’t matter. All that matters is dat jaw. And STAY ALIVE. HE WILL FIND YOU.

I love you with the intensity of the thousand angles in my perfect jaw.

Ewan McGregor (Star Wars Episode I)
There weren’t a lot of good things about The Phantom Menace. With the lack of Han Solo who am I supposed to crush on? Liam Neeson’s weave? Jar Jar Binks’s tongue? Really I was just looking for a place in this list for Ewan McGregor so here it is.

Korben Dallas (The Fifth Element)
So I guess there’s just something about a mouthy charismatic sci-fi/adventure hero that just gets to me. Plus there’s the Bruce Willis smolder to consider, and it never looked better than it did in that orange tank.

Yeah baby. I’ll show you my fifth element.

Kate

Full disclosure; my 90’s were pretty lame. I wasn’t cognizant until about 1994, and the second I figured out what fantasy and Neopets were, so I was super great. I also had really weird taste in movies and music. My boyfriends reflect that.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Home Improvement)

JTT has been featured on this blog before, and with good reason. Any child of the 90’s worth their Tamagotchi loved Home Improvement, if only for JTT. He had great hair (and highlights) with that weird cowlick swoop in front, and was probably the cutest kid I had ever seen at that point. My childhood best friend even practiced kissing on a poster of him. I don’t know why she did this in front of me. But it’s  no wonder we all had a conniption upon his return to primetime, with Tim Allen no less.

Emile Hirsch (The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys)

YM Magazine, specifically, made me love Emile Hirsch. He was featured in their “Aww Yeah” spread, where celebrities answered a few questions about themselves next to a few steamy photos. He was my first indie-movie love. I managed to find a transcript of the “Aww Yeah” in question;

YM- Aww Yeah!

Name: Emile Hirsch

Where You’ve Seen Him: As a confused Catholic schoolboy in The Dangerous Minds (sic) of Altar Boys. Next month he’ll play a badass prep-school student in The Emperor’s Club.

Why We Picked Him: Isn’t it obvious? Just look at his intense eyes. On a nonsuperficial level, we thought his performance in Altar Boys was practically Oscar-worthy.

Comic Genius: Like his Altar Boys character, Emile, 17, is into drawing cartoons. One of his inspirations: The Far Side by Gary Larson. “I have a weird sense of humor,” he admits. This public school senior also writes screenplays, Saturday Night Live-type sketches, and rap/poetry.

The Most Interesting Thing About Him: “The fact that I won’t tell you the most interesting thing about me — you’ll just have to wonder.” Ooh, how mysterious.

—Melissa Robyn Glassman

He’s  also the first celebrity I ever looked at and thought “Wow, he has really nice teeth.” Thus, a teeth fixation was born.

Heath Ledger (A Knight’s Tale)

Specifically, in A Knight’s Tale, Heather Ledger was it for me. I loved that he was a romantic goof, but filled with intensity and drive (swoon). Plus, he had that fantastic mid-90’s hair flop that was pre-pubescent catnip. And dimples for days. I wanted to swim in them. This is the Heath Ledger I like to remember.

I MEAN COME ON.

My 90’s boyfriends are just permutations of the same idea; floppy hair, light eyes, nice teeth. Get at me, bois. Rawr.

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